21

=EXPOSITION/INCITING INCIDENT=

“Wake up”, my mom yelled.

“Do I have to”, I shouted back.

“Yes it’s my birthday”, she said so happily.

As I was getting up I opened the curtains and sun light filled my bedroom. I walked downstairs and had some breakfast. When I went back upstairs my mom and dad were getting dressed and my other sisters were too. I thought to myself that today was going to be fun and an exciting day. So I pick out what I was going to wear today and found and black long shirt and had white leggings to wear with it. I had my sister Abbey blow out my hair. I didn’t really know what we were doing today.

"Okay I’m going to tell you what we are doing today and the whole family will be there."

“We are having a family lunch in New York on a boat wit h whole family.”

"Well more the merrier." I said with a smile on my face.

WHAT DOES YOUR BEDROM LOOK LIKE? HOW DID YOUR MOM WAKE YOU UP; FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS, BY OPENING YOUR DOOR? HOW OLD WAS YOUR MOM TURNING? WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR BREAKFAST? DID YOU MAKE IT? WHAT DOES THE KITCHEN LOOK LIKE? HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS AND SISTERS WERE GETTING READY? DID THEY TELL YOU TO HURRY UP? WHAT MADE YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE A FUN AND EXCITING DAY? WHERE DO YOU MENTION YOUR PROBLEM? REMEMBER THE JOB OF THE INCITING INCIDENT IS TO PRESENT THE BIG PROBLEM IN YOUR STORY. CAN YOU ADD MORE DESCRIPTIVE DETAILS?

=RISING ACTION=

I’m ready”, I shouted.

“Then let’s go!”

My sisters and I got into the car and were ready to have a fun day. The car ride there felt so long because we were so happy and excited about what we were going to do today. About an hour later we pulled into the parking lot, parked the car and walked up to the dock where the boat that we were going to have lunch on was sitting calmly in the water. My parents were a little afraid if I was dressed right. As we were walking up to the dock we had our picture taken with the boat in the background. The man that was standing there taking the tickets from people that were getting on the boat didn’t say anything to me about the way I was dressed, which meant that I was good to go on. When we got onto the boat my aunts, uncle, and cousins were sitting inside waiting for us. Right when the boats loud horn went off to tell us that we are now leaving the dock, my mom realized that we were missing a couple of people. They had gotten lost on the way up here and didn’t get there in time. My mom got on the phone with them and told them the directions to get here but by the time that they did get here they had already missed the boat.

“It’s fine that you didn’t make it”, trying to say it calmly.

“Okay I will talk to you later”, my aunt said.

WHO IS SPEAKING TO YOU? WHAT DOES THE CAR LOOK LIKE? DID YOU TALK IN THE CAR? ADD MORE DIALOGUE. WHAT DOES THE DOCK, BOAT, AND WATER LOOK LIKE/ WHY WERE YOUR PARENTS AFRAID IF YOU WERE DRESSED APPROPRIATELY? WHAT WAS THE MAN WEARING? YOU CAN USE ONOMATOPOEIA HERE BY ADDING IN THE SOUND OF THE BOAT. HOW DID YOUR MOM REALIZE THAT PEOPLE WERE MISSING? WHAT DID THE SHIP LOOK LIKE ON THE INSIDE? HOW DID YOUR MOM FEEL WHEN YOUR AUNT CALLED? WAS SHE UPSET? WERE YOU UPSET? DID ANY OF YOUR RELATIVES TALK TO YOU OR YOUR MOM? TRY TO USE MORE DESCRIPTIVE DETAILS. REMEMBER YOU NEED TO HAVE 3 "MINI PLOTS" EACH WITH A BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END.

=CLIMAX=

We tried to forget about what just had happened and have a great lunch. Before we ate we dance with are cousins and friends. I always love when my family came to see us and I love hang out with them. Then we sat down and had some lunch. There was a whole table of food that you could pick from or you could of ordered from the menu. I thought it was a great lunch and I’m sure that everyone else did to. After having lunch I went outside on the upper deck and took pictures of the Statue of Liberty with my family and I. We stayed outside for awhile because it was nice and sunny out. We then went back inside and sat down for a show that was put on for the guests that were on the boat. They sang lots of songs and danced. For every new song that they sang the changed there outfit and did a new dance. It was really fun to watch. The last dance they took my dad and his two brothers up to dance with them and my whole family laughed. I had as much fun as I did when it was my birthday

WHO IS THE WE YOU ARE REFERRING TO? WAS THERE MORE THAN ONE COURSE FOR THE MEAL? WAS IT A BUFFET OR A SIT DOWN WITH WAITERS/WAITRESSES? CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE FOOD AND WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE AND TASTED LIKE? WHERE DID YOUR PARENTS SIT? WHERE DID YOU SIT? ADD DIALOGUE WITH YOUR COUSINS AND FRIENDS. WHAT DID THE UPPER DECK LOOK LIIKE? DID SEEING THE STATUE OF LIBERTY MAKE YOU THINK OF SOMETHING? WHAT WAS THE SHOW ABOUT? WHAT KINDS OF SONGS WERE SUNG AND DANCED TO? WHAT IS THE CLIMAX? THE BIRTHDAY CAKE? YOU DON'T MENTION IT. REMEMBER THIS IS WHERE ALL THE ACTION TAKES PLACE IN YOUR STORY AND ESSENTIALLY THE PROBLEM IN THE INCITING INCIDENT IS CONFRONTED. ADD MORE DESCRIPTIVE DETAILS.

=FALLING ACTION=

My parents deicide to have everyone come over after lunch. My mom called my aunt back then said:

"Everyone is coming back to my house after lunch."

"Okay see you there", my aunt replied.

We got off the boat and into the car. After the long hour in the car we finally got home and everyone fallowed us into the house. All of the adults talked outside or in the kitchen while the kids were either watching a movie in the basement or outside playing in the backyard, my mom bought all different games because she knew we would all wan to play outside. After a few hours at my house my aunt and uncle were still not there. So my mom called them up again and they said that they would be here in a few minutes. When they got there we were so happy that we got to see them because we haven’t seen them for awhile. Later that night we ordered dinner from a Place called Godfathers. I thought it was fun to see my whole family again, but even though my two cousin didn’t feel good the whole time I still got to see them and they were happy that they got to see us too.

WHEN DID THEY DECIDE TO DO THIS? IS THIS THE SAME DAY? WHAT WAS IT LIKE EXITING THE BOAT? WHAT DOES THE HOUSE LOOK LIKE? WHERE DID EVERYONE PARK THEIR CARS? WHAT GAMES DID YOUR MOM BUY? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR AUNT AND UNCLE? WHAT DID YOU ORDER FOR DINNER? DID EVERYONE EAT TOGETHER? WAS THERE ANOTHER BIRTHDAY CAKE? WHY DIDN'T YOUR COUSINS FEEL GOOD? ADD DIALOGUE. CAN YOU BE MORE DESCRIPTIVE? WHAT MADE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT SEEING YOUR FAMILY AGAIN?

=RESOLUTION=

When it was starting to get late like around 11:30 and night everyone started to leave and we all got tired from this long and fun day. By the time everybody did leave it was really late at night. My mom and dad went to bed while my sisters and I decided to watch a movie. It was funny because when the movie was over we were all already asleep. In the morning we got up later then we normally do and even my parents did. We all had breakfast together and my mom bacon and eggs. “Did you have a fun time yesterday?” My mom said with a smile on her face. “I did!” we all shouted at one time. “We should do something like that again! My dad yelled to us from the other room. That day we just sat around and did stuff together before my sister had to leave and go back home That night as we were saying goodbye to my sister because we weren’t going to see her for along time. My mom said as we all gave her a big last hug, remember home is where the heart is.

DID EVERYONE SAY GOOD NIGHT? DID YOUR MOM CLEAN UP AFTER EVERYONE LEFT? DID YOU AND YOUR SISTERS HELP? WHAT MOVIE DID YOU ALL DECIDE TO WATCH? WHERE DID YOU FALL ASLEEP? ADD DIALOGUE WITH YOUR SISTERS. MAYBE YOU CAN ADD A FEW SENTENCES WHERE YOUR THEME IS; EXPLAIN WHY "HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS." REMEMBER IT WAS SUPPOSED TO PARALLEL SOMETHING FROM "BELLE PRATER'S BOY."