23

“Goodbye Grandpa, I Love You”

Death is taking your own life hurts others and an emotion death can be just as painful as a physical death. Whenever my Grandpa walked in the room, a burst of kindness and sweetness came to my mouth. He was flying high, living a great life, but five years ago he passed away from lung cancer. It was hard for me because I was 7 and it is hard to go through a lot of pain when you are that young. It was even more sad because he was my idol. "Dear my beautiful, if I ever die, be brave and keep on going," he told me. "I will, you are the most wonderful grandpa and if you die I will always think of you," I told him. "Believe in yourself," my Grandpa told me. "I love you, you are the best," I told him "I love you too," he said to me. When my Mom told me he died, I cried so hard it was like rain in a rainforest. She told me to move on and we missed him a lot, but we have to learn that he is gone. I was so sad that for a couple of days it was really hard for my family and me. As the day went on and I felt the worst pain I ever have. It was the worst day of my life and now I always say to myself, why do people have to die? Do you know how much I loved him? He was my idol for believing and trusting in myself, I idolized him in basically everyway. "Tricia always try your hardest and you will have success in your life," he told me. "What happens if I let myself down and I can't get back up again?" I asked him. "I know that will never happen you are always smiling and you always think tomorrow is another day for laughs and cheers," he told me. "Thank you you've taught me well," I told him. "Your welcome and it was my pleasure, I love you," he told me. "I love you too," I told him. From that day on I never got down on myself and always believed in what he told me that day. Do you ever feel like your pain is larger than your love? The day he died this happened to me, I started to feel shivers going down my spine. It was the most fascinating feeling that I have ever felt in my life. I had so many feelings for him, it is hard to imagine. As the tears went down my cheeks, I thought of all the memories and excellent times I had with him. The tears expressed the feeling of sadness and love towards him. Have you ever had the most wonderful days with the greatest people? I did with my Grandpa. We went to the movies, baseball games, arcades, vacations, cruises and much more fun times. At the baseball games, we would root the Yankees on each game, while eating hotdogs, peanuts and cracker jacks. In the movies, we would laugh, relax and enjoy our buttery popcorn. The cruises took us anywhere the waves sailed us too. When we were in the arcade all you heard was the bell ringing and tickets flying in every direction. Cruises are to water as fun is to people and on these trips with my Grandpa, I had the greatest time of my life. A couple of days later I went to my Grandpa's funeral. I really didn't want to wake up that morning because it brought me back to memories and tears. I went with my family and we were very quiet because we were so sad that a nice man like this had to die. My cousin and I were wondering why everyone was going in the room. So I asked my Mom. "Mom," I called. "Yes sweetie," she responded. "Why was everyone going in that room?" I asked "I don't think you want to go in there," she told me. "Why not?" I asked her. "I don't think you really want to see it but if you want to you can," she told me. "Ok I will," I told her. "Megan come on," I told her. "Ok where are we going?" she asked me. "In this room to see why mostly everyone was going in," I told her. "Ok," she told me. So when I walked into the room, my cousin Megan and I started to cry right away. I was trying so hard to be brave by keeping my tears from falling down my cheeks, but it was too hard because this was a sad time for my family and I. It was my Grandpa in the casket, bald because he had lung cancer, in his favorite outfit and we were putting pictures on him that we made for him. The picture I made for him was a picture of him and I. I also wrote him a beautiful note. My brother on the other hand gave him a lucky ring that he would always make out of a dollar bill. The outfit that he was wearing was a blue suit with an American flag pin on it. I was really surprised, but really happy to see him again. The sweetest, most special feeling came to my heart. I stayed in the room for a while, because this was going to be the last time I would see him forever. After a while, we went in the sad and quiet funeral room where people were talking about how wonderful and how my Grandpa was a truly remarkable person. The sounds of sweetness and generosity came to my ears and a burst of love came to my heart, although tears were still running down my face like an open faucet. I was very pleased when I heard how great my Grandpa truly was. The kindness was really appreciated from my family and me. Then we said our goodbyes and we all carried the coffin into the car and drove to the cemetery. At the cemetery their was the Air Force soldiers folding a flag for him and another group of the Air Force playing instruments in honor of my Grandpa. We bowed our heads for a moment of silence and I told him I love you dearly, I will miss you, have a great life in heaven, and come back to see me soon. Today, whenever I go to my Nana's house, I see the flag that was given to my Nana in the hallway right when you walk in. It brings back the memories and good times with him. I think of him everyday of every week of every month of every year. Ever since my Grandpa's funeral, I had a burst of depression that came straight through my heart and the pain was hard to deal with. When I realized that I can hide my sadness inside I started to do that, but sometimes I get strange feelings and I just start to cry. All over my house and my room I have pictures of my Grandpa and me. I have had these pictures for a long time to keep me from losing what he looks like. When I look at them the drips and drops come straight down my cheeks. I would look at the pictures and all the remarkable memories would come back to me and I just enjoy it. Sometimes when I have a bad day he always makes me feel happy. These memorandums of my grandpa and I were when I was a little kid, on vacations, and are wonderful moments together. Whenever I walk in my room I just dissect these pictures and sometimes I even kiss him. My Mom told me, "You stand up strong, stand up powerful and hold on to the memories." "You took an enormous chunk of pain off my heart,” I told her. "I am glad, I could help you," she told me. "If you need anymore help overcoming the pain, you know where I am," she told me. Ever since that talk with my mom, I had the smiles and joys for my love. I always wonder what he is doing in heaven so when I go on a airplane I sit at the window seat and try to find him. Do you ever feel like someone is watching you but they are not really there? That

is how I feel whenever I do something good in school, sports, have good news or just

have one of the best days of my life. I know he would be clapping loud and whenever

that happens to me, I feel like my Grandpa is watching me from heaven way up, high in

in the sky. When I think he is always with me I feel protected, safe and loved. I know

that that sounds creepy and deeply weird, but it is true.

"Great job honey," my Mom told me.

"Thank you," I told her.

"You know who was watching you?" she told me.

"Yea grandpa," I told her.

"That is right he must have been very proud of you," she told me. So when I looked up in the clouds, I imagine my Grandpa in the sky. I get so

happy, it feels like my mouth is going to fall off because I am smiling so much. I miss

him with all my heart and I think he misses his family and the people he loved and who

he was loved by. An emotional death is just as painful as a physical death.